


Waiting

by fanciful_musing



Category: DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Friends to Lovers, M/M, POV Second Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-27
Updated: 2015-12-27
Packaged: 2018-05-09 16:40:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5547668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fanciful_musing/pseuds/fanciful_musing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyone always says, if you love someone let them go; if they come back then it's meant to be.  But what happens when the one waiting no longer wants the one that left?  What if you returned to find the one waiting was no longer waiting for you?  Are you supposed to give them the same opportunity to want that they gave you?  When do you stop waiting and start living a new love?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Waiting

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted October 2009. I'm starting to move some very old fics over here, even including the original author notes if I bothered writing them the first time around. Also, I suck at rating; cussing = not general audience?
> 
> just a random thought that wouldn't go away. sorry for all the confusing uses ‘he’s and ‘him’s in this without names. i did write this with a couple in mind, but i decided to keep it general. comments are love, even if it’s only to guess who’s who.

You were intrigued, then you were infatuated, and then you were ensnared by a creature so attractive and mysterious you were helpless to his charms. Every gesture captured your attention, every sound spilling from his lips entranced you; before you knew it, you were already the one waiting, waiting, and waiting. Waiting for him to notice you, waiting for him to befriend you, waiting for him to want you as much as you wanted him.

Patience, and one day he runs into you because he didn't notice you.

Patience, and the next day he finds you to return to you your student pass.

Patience, and a few weeks later you see a shine in his eyes that you think might reflect your own when you look at him.

 

You run to him for everything. He has always been there with you through every memorable event in your life. When you were hospitalized for running into bullies, he visited every day. You ran to him when you won your interschool competition, eagerly showing him your trophy. You ran to him when you discovered you preferred hard muscle to soft curves, not wanting judgmental eyes on you. And he, he always smiled, whether it was because you asked him to or because he was so proud of you; without fail, he always smiled.

When you met a man so stunning, he was the first to hear every observation, every fantasy, every detail; and he smiled.

When your mystery man ran into you, he smiled and told you good things come from waiting.

When your striking infatuation finds you to return your now-precious student pass, he smiled and encouraged you to take advantage of this opportunity to get to know him.

When your charming obsession starts to look at you like you look at him, he advised you to confess your love; but for once, he didn’t smile. You didn’t notice to wonder why until much later.

 

You’re running to him again, to gush about your new-found couple status with your now-boyfriend. It wouldn’t have happened without him, but you can’t seem to find him today. Pulling out your phone, you see a message “congratulations! :)” Smiling, you reply “couldn’t have done it without you. where are you?”

Thirty seconds pass, and nothing. You wonder why he isn’t replying when he’s usually so quick at it. You’re about ready to type another message when a new message comes in. “do u have plans 2day? want 2 go out after classes end?” You immediately agree to the date with your boyfriend, lingering thoughts of your best friend temporarily forgotten.

 

You’re calling him again, this time to tell him about your “date”. It wasn’t a date after all, since he invited some of your friends, but you noticed a smile missing from the faces offering “congratulations”. Ring, ring, ring, but no answer. You’re surprised since he’s never without his phone. You decide he must be showering or eating and will call later. Half an hour later, you find yourself calling again; still no answer. You begin to worry a little, but maybe he’s running errands for his parents and didn’t hear the phone. Another hour later, you find yourself pacing your room with something akin to panic. It’s getting late and he’s never not answered his phone for so long.

You’re about ready to put on a jacket and head over to his house when your phone rings. “Oh thank god you’re ok” is out of your mouth before he gets a word in. A pause.

“Why wouldn’t I be? Did you think something happened to me, pabo? My phone died and I forgot to bring another battery with me, so I didn’t get your messages until now. I thought it was weird when I didn’t hear from you after your date.”

“Some date it was! It was just a bunch of us hanging out! He wanted to meet my friends, you should have been there…”

All panic faded and conversation carried on as usual, him teasing you and you pouting in retaliation. You fleetingly think to ask how he knew about the “date” but didn’t go hang out with you, but the thought is discarded just as fleetingly it had come to you.

 

It’s been a few exciting and frustrating weeks for you. You’re excited to be with your boyfriend, but frustrated, because you two are never alone together. You’re excited that your boyfriend is interested in your friends, but you’re frustrated that he wants to find out more about them than he does about you. You realize that you want to share your excitement with someone, but you’re frustrated that he never seems to have time for you anymore.

Another thing for you to be excited and frustrated about. He seems to have befriended the new kid and spends most of his time showing him around. You didn’t mind in the beginning since you were guilty of neglecting him for your new boyfriend too, but as they got closer, you started seeing him less and less.

Eventually, you find that he couldn’t find time to just hang out with you anymore, promising the new kid this and that. As excited, or not, as you are for him, you can’t help but feel frustrated at his lack of time. You find yourself missing his chatter and laughter, but mostly you miss his smile.

 

You run into him having drinks with the (not so) new kid while on a date with your boyfriend. He didn’t even notice that you walked in until you called out to him. A glance and quick introductions later, you’re all sitting together, and by all, you mean some of your other friends that have coincidentally shown up as well. You’re so happy you’re finally spending some time with him that you don’t even mind that your date was interrupted.

However, before you can even start a real conversation with him, he excuses himself and the (not so) new kid from the gathering, something about having plans prior to this. With hardly a backwards glance, he leaves with a vague promise to contact you later. You find yourself unable to concentrate on the conversation after his departure, but you’re glad that your boyfriend didn’t notice your inattentiveness—he seemed to be enjoying the chat with one of your friends.

 

You’re running again, but this time without a destination in mind. You want to run towards a comforting smile, but he’s once again un-locatable. You didn’t know what to do. You found your now-ex-boyfriend exchanging saliva with your friend that he was always so curious about. Your heart feels sour and your mouth tastes bitter. You stayed calm enough to listen to garbled explanations and profuse apologies.

He bumped into you knowing who you were friends with, not because he didn’t notice you.

He returned to you your student pass because he wanted an excuse to take a peek of your friend, not because he wanted to be your friend.

You were right about him having a shine in his eyes, but that wasn’t for you after all, but for your friend.

Then you see him waiting outside a restaurant with a bouquet in hand. You’re about to approach him when you spot the (not so) new kid hurry over and take the bouquet from him. You’re stunned with this revelation. How did this happen without you knowing? Sure you guys haven’t been as close as you were before you got your now-ex-boyfriend, but if he had mentioned this you certainly would have remembered.

They are still talking in front of the restaurant when you have half the mind to confront them about it, but then you see him smile and freeze. You find you have no right to disrupt his date since you’ve been neglecting him for your own personal relationship. The sourness in your heart increases and you get the urge to hit something. You turn around and leave before he can get a glimpse of you in your current vulnerable state.

 

You decide to go jogging to clear your head. Running the familiar path through the park, you find time to reflect on the past couple of months. You berate yourself for your blindness; if you had paid more attention you would have noticed the signs much sooner. Warning bells should have gone off in your head when he wanted to know your friend more than yourself. Sighing at your own foolishness you pause to catch your breath. The anger you felt has bled away replaced with fatigue.

Walking home, you spot the (not so) new kid. You’re running to catch up to him before you even think about it. “Hey! Congratulations. I saw the two of you earlier today. I must say I’m surprised since he never mentioned it.” You’re rambling awkwardly.

“Thanks, man! I didn’t think anyone would know already!” A pause.

“Take good care of him ok? Always be honest too…and yea…” You trail off, not wanting to taint his new relationship with your bitterness.

“Of course! I’ve been waiting and working for too long to mess this up!”

You attempt to smile. “Make him happy.” And you run back home without giving him a chance to reply.

 

Your phone is ringing when you come out from your shower. Looking at the caller ID, you pick up “Oh thank god you finally picked up! Are you ok? Where were you? I tried calling so many times! I left so many messages! I couldn’t find you! Where are you? Do you want me to come over now?” comes streaming out before you could even utter a greeting.

You blink. “Run that by me again?”

“I saw that bastard playing tonsil-hockey with someone that definitely is no longer a friend. I was ready to go beat the shit out of him for cheating when he told me you guys weren’t together anymore. I tried calling you, but you weren’t picking up. Oh god, you didn’t do anything stupid did you? They’re not worth it! Do you—”

“Ok calm down! Take a breath for a sec! Yes, I’m ok. I went jogging to clear my head, so I left my phone at home. I only just came out of the shower now, so I didn’t see your messages yet. I haven’t done anything stupid and you don’t need to come over.”

“But I—”

“Don’t need to worry about me. I’m really ok! Not happy, but not depressed either. And I already thought it through, so don’t worry so much, ok?” You feel guilty enjoying his worry, but it’s nice to know he still cares enough to want to come over.

“Open the door. I’m outside your house.” Stupefied, you open the door with your phone still in your hand. He pulls you into a hug. It’s warm and comforting. You missed this intimacy that’s been absent for the past several weeks.

You know he wanted to ask more, but he refrained from doing so for your sake. He made no mention of his own good news to you either, probably concerned about how you would react to a growing romance when yours just ended so terribly. Instead you spend the night catching up with him, sharing stories of your weeks of mutual neglect. You find yourself smiling, the world outside the door ignored and forgotten.

 

You were looking for a place to hide when you ran into them. You saw your ex-boyfriend walking hand in hand with your ex-friend and didn’t want to deal with them. You ducked into the first classroom you came across to avoid them. After they passed by, you decided to head to the rooftop, hoping it would be unoccupied.

You open the door to see your best friend in the arms of the (so not) new kid. You were about to sneak away unnoticed when you heard “You’re the best! I love you” fall from his lips. For some reason your heart hurts again. Maybe you weren’t ready to witness lovey-dovey couples like you thought you were.

 

The remainder of the week was spent with people sending sympathetic looks in your direction, but you insist that you’re fine. Except you lied. You find yourself constantly with a dull ache in your heart. You aren’t sure why, but you know that it intensifies when you think of the scene back on the rooftop. You hope you aren’t turning into one of those people who are so bitter that they can’t look upon loving couples without scorn.

He constantly tries to talk to you, but you try not to take up his time as he still has a budding romance on his hands. He deserves to enjoy it and not feel obligated to tend to your aching (not that you’d admit it) heart. He still hasn’t told you about his relationship with the (so not) new kid, but you know he’s just being considerate of your feelings. So you decide to do something for him and try not to disrupt his romantic progress, even if you do so with a heavy heart.

 

After a week of purposely giving your best friend space for his budding romance, you find yourself in a panic. All this time to yourself without adequate distraction led to the largest epiphany of your life.

You thought it was strange how your heart didn’t break when you saw your ex cheating on you.

You thought it was strange you didn’t even feel the urge to cry over your broken relationship.

You thought it was strange when your heart did hurt when his “I love you” wasn’t directed to you.

You were in love with him. The one you always run to, the one always supporting you, the one always smiling for you; but he doesn’t smile for you anymore. And you think that’s what hurts the most, the fact that he already has someone who’s waited and worked for his requited love.

Someone else he gives his smiles to.

 

You avoided him like you never have before. You couldn’t look at him without wanting to tell him the truth, but you didn’t want to ruin his current relationship with your selfishness. Instead, you kept silent and gave endless excuses to not meet him. You seldom spoke on the phone now, only abrupt greetings before you gave yet another excuse to run away.

You find yourself on the rooftop again. You must be masochistic to keep returning to the place where you heard the “I love you” that wasn’t meant for your ears. You climb on the awning above of the stairs and lay down, watching the clouds roll by.

Your observations are cut short when people enter the rooftop. You hear two voices and recognize them as the pair you’ve been avoiding. You curse under your breath and hope they don’t discover you lying on top of the awning. However, your silence only allows their conversation to seem louder; unintentionally, you hear every word.

“I don’t understand why he’s avoiding me all of the sudden!” They must be talking about you. “I know he’s hurting over that fucking bastard, but he won’t talk about it at all. And now he’s even shutting me out.” You’re stunned at his assumption. You aren’t hurting over that!

“Why don’t you talk to him about it?”

“You think I haven’t tried? He’s avoiding me, I know he is. I just don’t know why. We’ve always shared everything, good or bad. He could shut everyone else out, but he’d always come to me. I was special. At least I thought I was.”

“That’s why you fell in love with him right?” Your eyes widen in shock. He was in love with you? What?!

“I’ve always loved him. He just never noticed. But I was all right with it, because I was still the one he shared everything with. And then that bastard came and changed everything between us.”

“I’m sure if you just talked to him you could go back to the way things were before. I’ll help you think of a plan to corner him, and then you guys can go back to the way it used to be again.”

A pause. “Thank you. I’m glad I have you to help me with this. I hope this doesn’t bother—” He’s cut off by the bells announcing the hour.

“Don’t worry about it! That’s what I’m here for, just like how you are here for me.” They leave to rush to class.

You sit there contemplating what you just heard. He loved you. He waited for you to notice, but you didn’t. Then he found someone else. Your heart breaks. You missed your chance. Just like that, your obliviousness caused you to miss out on the best thing that could have happened to you.

You feel as though someone just ground glass into your bleeding heart. Tears spill over before you even knew they formed.

 

You’re a mess. You haven’t cried since that day on the rooftop, but holding it all in isn’t making you feel any better. You’re still avoiding him, the pain of knowing what you missed making you a coward. You try to keep yourself busy, throwing yourself into your studies and club activities. Your grades are much better for the effort, but your heart isn’t.

You only feel variations of pain now; sometimes a dull ache, sometimes a sharp pang, but it never goes away. You wonder if it would hurt less if you let go. But then you wonder what happens after the pain is gone.

 

You’re throwing your fist before you even noticed you’ve crossed the room; your rage making you blind and deaf to your surroundings. “You fucking bastard! I will fucking kill you!” You’re ready to throw another punch when you feel someone restraining you. “Let me go! I will pulverize him.”

You feel a fist grace your cheek. “What the hell are you doing to my boyfriend?!”

“What the hell am I doing?” You direct a glare at the (so not) new kid. “You’re the one who promised you wouldn’t fuck it up and now you’re making kissy faces at someone else?! He fucking loves you and you betray him like this? What happened to ‘you’ve waited and worked too hard for this’?”

“Listen you dumb shit, this is my boyfriend and I will do whatever I want with him. God, I have no idea how he puts up with your dumb ass. It’s always been you; you’ve just been too fucking stupid and blind to see for yourself. If you didn’t have your head up your ass half the time, you’d fucking notice he lov—”

“STOP!” You whip around to see the one you’ve been avoiding the whole time. But before you can speak, he’s hauling you out of the mall. “I’m sorry about your ruined date.” You hear him yell back as he continues to drag you away from the couple.

 

You’re confused. Maybe that’s an understatement; you’re utterly perplexed by the last couple of minutes. You were ready to beat someone you thought was your best friend’s boyfriend to a pulp, thinking he was a cheating bastard. But they weren’t together…

All of the sudden, you’re aware of his hold on your arm. Even though his grip is biting into your circulation and your cheek is starting to sting, you’ve never felt more ecstatic.

“I wouldn’t be smiling after what just happened if I were you.”

You can’t help it, you laugh at your own stupidity. You laugh in relief that he doesn’t belong to anyone else. You laugh away the pain that’s been suffocating you. You laugh, because for the first time in a long time, you’re alone with him, face-to-face, and you don’t need to make an excuse to run away.

You see him look at you as if you’ve lost your mind. He opens his mouth to say something, but you pull him into your arms before he can form a syllable. You close your eyes and breathe him in to soothe your heart. “I know I should explain, and I will, but could we stay like this awhile?”

You feel him shuffle against you into a more comfortable position. You can’t remember the last time you felt this right.

 

“I’m sorry I’m a pabo. I’m sorry I made you wait so long. I’m sorry I never noticed. I’m sorry I got distracted by someone else. I’m sorry I neglected our friendship. I’m sorry we only had time to catch up and never any real time to talk.” You’re rambling again, he makes no move to stop you. You forge on.

“I’m sorry I was selfish, even when I tried not to be. I’m sorry I avoided you. I’m sorry I was a coward. I’m sorry you got hurt because of that.” You look him in the eyes to make sure he knows you are telling him the truth.

“I’m sorry it took so long for me to be honest. I’m sorry you had to wait so long for me to say this to you. I loved you as long as I’ve known you. I’ve been in love with you probably just as long, but I didn’t know it. I hope it’s not too late.” You lose your courage and avert your eyes. You wonder if his silence was a good or bad sign.

“Why—”

“It’s ok if-if you don’t still love me. I understand; I wouldn’t love me either. I mean I’m stupid and cowardly and dishonest and—”

“If you’re trying to convince me to stop loving you, you’re doing an excellent job.” You glance up in surprise. “Now shut up and let me sort this out for you.” You nod.

“One, you aren’t stupid. Oblivious, yes. Stupid, no. Two, you aren’t any more cowardly than I have been; I’ve been keeping the truth from you too. Three, you aren’t dishonest, but you are easily confused. Don’t worry; I’m used to that already.” You huff in mock-anger.

“I’ve loved you since forever, that hasn’t changed. I’m in love with you still, god knows why that hasn’t changed. I’ve waited and waited for this, so if you keep me waiting any longer I will strangle you.” You figure that’s your cue to do something.

Your lips meet his shyly but firmly. Nothing more than a chaste kiss, but his cheeks flush a bright red. “You’re beautiful.” He averts his eyes. “You’re adorable.” He pouts. “You’re mine.”

He smiles.


End file.
